Control the impulses is not an easy task, but it’s not impossible
Novels, music, advertisements, billboards, a walk in the Mall. Scenes, events, situations and moments that often are filled with a “mega-power-sex appeal”, that is, sexual stimulation for all tastes! We are provoked to see sex everywhere!
Surviving this scenario becomes, indeed, a “Space Odyssey”, a “Star Wars”, because it seems that, at all times, we are called to a kind of shadow of evil, the Anakin to become Darth Vader. Oh, my God, how to control so many sexual urges, at all times, are we encouraged to extinguish? them
Some steps to survive this crazy scenario.
First step: control and not master
I don’t really like the word “dominate”, sounds like a bad thing, that needs to be contained, repressed, and I don’t think God is so unfair to the point of placing, within us the sexual urges and require of us the suppression of them. I don’t believe that He asks us to dominate as if they were an “evil force” to be exorcised.
I prefer the word “control”, that is, how to control sexual impulses? Control is the mechanism by which we measure the result of a process by comparing it to a desired value. So, to control sexual urges is to be able to live with the desires, the will to impart the value that we have and the value we give to each other. When we leave the relationship of value, we can control the impulses and thus give them a purpose that is more full and enjoyable.
Second step: channeling the wishes
We are men and women with desires. Sexual impulses are not something disconnected from us, but they say our identity. I’m going further: they say our identity as children of God.
The Lord created us men and women. There is no “God, take me the sexual desires.”. No! I’m sorry to say, but He does not take them away. They are there to be channelled. They are the desires that lead a man to meet a woman, they are impulses, forces that cause us to live a relationship. What we need to ask is: “God, help us to channel these sexual desires for a full and healthy life. Teach us to channel our feelings, based on the value that we have and we possess “. If we have very clear, in the head and the heart, that we are called to live a full, faithful love, free and fruitful, we will give account to channel our impulses to total, faithful relationships, free and fruitful. When the sexual impulse comes, wanting the other to us, we can, at this time, use this strength for the other as someone who deserves our love, and whom we value!
In front of a beautiful woman, I call your attention – sexually – you can:
a) look, and bring to your mind as a possibility to touch, manipulate and get pleasure! Or;
b) look, appreciate and bring to your mind as a reality to love, cherish and promote.
You choose (a) or (b), namely, to see a beautiful woman, you had the sex drive, the attraction, the desire for her, but, at this time, choosing the alternative (b), channeled that impulse and have ennobled, not the repressing. Gave her a place of nobility. You know that Bible passage that says: “is it from the human heart that come out good and bad things?” So, you see, and it is the heart, gives the momentum from which emerges. Choice (a) or (b).
Third step: get to know the strength of the force.
We all have sexual urges. It is inherent in our being. But we need to know those impulses, know their strength, that is, to know when they come, when they more or less intense, what they do within us, what to do when they come. To know them is the best way to control them, and identify them is the best way to find a destination for them. People lose this battle as they want to fight against something they don’t know. This is not a fight against evil, but rather to integrate this part of you. It’s a struggle to join: sex drive + value + love + God. So on! Without self-knowledge there is no victory.
Fourth step: Flee or face?
When we know our sexual urges, the strength they have, the place and the situations where you want to take us, we could be at a crossroad: face then or escape? In fact, both. Face it, take note or flee, that is, to live this process that happens after the “face”, that is, understand and, later, to know that we care, run away. But knowing what’s running.
Many times, we didn’t hear the rolling movement inside and we were more tied to relationships for fear of ourselves. Flee, knowing and seeking to understand what we’re running from, to be stronger for the next fight. Because it’s coming! At this point, you have to ask yourself: what are my weaknesses? Where I’m more vulnerable? What do you clutter affectively? Once again, knowing is the art of control.
Fifth step: Returning to the State of the Jedi
In the episode of the Return of the Jedi ‘, we can see how Luke believes in the goodness that exists even in Darth Vader; and believe that we are in a fantastic scene, the “redemption of Vader”. While the Emperor Palpatine was to kill Luke with a final blast, Darth Vader, with his arm, or better, with what’s left of him, grabs Palpatine and throws him into the death star’s main reactor, destroying, definitely, the evil Lord of the Sith, so completing the prophecy in which the Sith are exterminated.
Vader becomes, again, Anakin Skywalker. Yes, he’s back to being what it was! And what does this have to do with control of our sex drive? Everything! Many times, we’re like young Anakin, who was swayed by corruption of evil. We sometimes let ourselves take corruption of pornography, sex outside of marriage; Anyway, for a sex life without the mark of true love as God thought; Consequently, we live like Darth Vader, slaves of our impulses and not their masters.
So, I want to tell you: we can always start over. There are, in our hearts, a deep desire to love and live the fullness of who we are. Our affections, desires and wishes, ordered to true love, always make you return to the best we have and are. The sacrament of confession, the Eucharist, a sincere prayer life and a good spiritual director are our weapons to win. Even when reading this text you feel unable to give a Christian answer before a lifetime of mistakes, I want to tell you that is what remains of an arm that Darth Vader won the Emperor of evil. I believe in you, much more than an arm, remains the desire to be happy and love of truth. So, don’t waste your time and start over!
Be open to conquer the sky!