How to overcome the loss of a mother

Since life is a cycle, at some point we no longer have the presence of our mother with us

Mother, a little word of immense significance in the life of each of us. One with whom we spend nine months of pregnancy. Even more: before pregnancy gestation in the womb – for biological mothers – there is gestation in the soul, the desires and expectations of the maternal experience for adoptive mothers. Our role as children concretize in this realization of dreams of maternity. .

How to overcome the lack of a mother
Photo: Daniel Mafra / cancaonova.com

In the cycle of life, we have the grace to live with a woman who gives her life for us every day. Each gesture of love, that affectionate look, or even the harsh attitudes and words that hurt, want, basically, guide us in the certainty that maternal presence is very important in the life of each of us.

Not always is our experience was positive or will be with our mother, but above all, it behooves us to exercise forgiveness and overcoming those difficult times.

Since life is a cycle, at some point we will not have her presence with us. Reports of lost mothers are as varied as possible, “How I miss you!” “she died after I left to do something for her, I feel guilty for her death,” “I can not live without her.” In a life cycle, we know in Western culture, we celebrate births, but we still have a hard time dealing with death; it is different from Eastern cultures. Does this sense, do we need to review in the way we relate to our mothers?

Losses in most cases, are not explained. When we seek this explanation too, we put ourselves in a dead labyrinth. This is where the acceptance of loss, which is something gradual, should be drawn up with the help of a support network of friends or family; if necessary, with professional help in therapy.

The blame for not having said something in time, to have had harsh attitudes, finally, the general fault, if any, should be mature, rethought for the loss process is best experienced.

Of course, this pain does not pass quickly, but the pain we lived longing; better than that, we lived memories, positive legacies left by this mom, good examples and also forgiveness for what we do not live in a pleasant way with her.

Another important point is that each one feels the pain in his own way. Phrases like: “Do not be like that,” “Your mother would not want to see you like that” and many other phrases may even have a positive intention, but we must understand the period each person has to live the loss in their own way.

After the initial moment of confusion by the loss, the following steps will give us a better understanding of what happened, a reorganization of life without the loved one (especially when we are very dependent on the mother for everything. There, it is a position our over life, to create autonomy and freedom for such loss is not as sharp). During this reorganization phase, there may appear again feelings of anger and incomprehension, until a later date, the acceptance to a new life is present effectively.

The pain of loss will not change; it  is forever, but what will change in us is the intensity as well as our sense of loss and feelings we carry with us in this new moment of life and its cycle is renewed.