Sex requires the involvement of the whole person
In its millennial wisdom the Church does not cease to teach that “sexuality, by which man and woman give themselves to each other with their own and exclusive acts of the spouses, is not at all something purely biological, but it concerns the inner core of the human person as such. It only takes place in a truly human way if it is an integral part of the love with which man and woman are totally committed to each other until death “(CIC 2361). Why is sex before marriage a sin?
This text of the Catechism gives us enough material to answer this question. The first and most relevant statement is that the sexual act belongs to the spouses. This is for a noble and just reason: such involvement is not purely biological because it involves the whole person. The second thing is that we men, whether from a biological or a psychological point of view, are completely different from animals.
Body and soul
Let us first analyze the difference between the animal and the man in relation to sexuality. The animal, in a sexual relationship, wants to reach the apex of pleasure at all costs. When he reaches sexual satisfaction, he does not care with whom he has just mated. Since the human being does not only want to reach the summit of sexual pleasure, that is, to orgasm, he also wants the person’s company. There is an affectivity between them. This shows, as the Church teaches, that there is something that transcends the biological.
Besides all that I just mentioned, it is worth remembering that the human being has a spiritual soul. This implies that in a sexual relationship there is the involvement of the person in its totality, body and soul. This fact that the human being also possesses a spiritual soul makes all the difference in comparison with animals. It is thus evident that the teaching of the Church is clear, sex must be understood from a spiritual point of view and not merely biological. The soul seeks happiness and not mere pleasure.
Therefore, there is the dissatisfaction of many people who live sex in an unruly way, because they are always lacking something, even if they have sex every day and with more than one person. When humans unite their bodies, they also unite their souls. Here is the reason and necessity of the sacrament of matrimony. They can not unite bodily if the soul is not united through the sacrament.
Another very important aspect within a relationship is commitment. In a sexual union, the man says to the woman and the woman to the man “I am all yours, I am all yours!”, But when sex is lived out of marriage, that promise is nothing more than a lie. So much so that, after intercourse, both get up from the bed and each one goes to his house.
It is worth mentioning, within all that we are talking about, the feeling that the woman has to be being used. When meeting people who have experienced such experiences, I realize that this fact is constant, as there is a strong feeling of having been used by the boyfriend after intercourse. This female psychology does not forgive. A woman, more than feeling pleasure, must feel loved. However, how will she feel loved if, at the end of sexual intercourse, the beloved is no longer by her side? A basic question then arises: “Does he really love me or is he using me?” This feeling of being used is inevitable when you do not have the commitment.
Consequences of love
From this, we see that the person only realizes himself fully within the sexual relationship if he does not lack the main ingredient: love. The problem is that love is often confused with feeling or something like that, when, in fact, it is much more than that, love commits, demands renunciation, detachment and so many other things.
Whoever is not willing to bear the consequences of love will never know what it is to truly love. People are thirsting for true love, the problem is they are drinking in the wrong source. They are seeking love in pleasure, in personal satisfaction, but, unfortunately, they will not find it. Those who seek to quench their thirst for love in pleasure will inevitably die of thirst.
Thus, sex before marriage is a sin not because the Church forbids it, but because it hurts human nature. Man, besides being biological, is also spiritual. Rather than seeking pleasure, he seeks happiness; and happiness will only be found through the concrete experience of love. Whoever seeks the other only pleasure will never know what it is to truly love someone.