Why do some people suffer more than others because they are single? The anguish of single status, especially among women, has been increasing, especially for people in their 30s. The potentialization of this suffering, after 30, is due to the fact that the person feels frustrated in their projects.

Photo: Daniel Mafra / cancaonova.com

It is natural and part of human development to project, plan and dream. However, when one arrives at this stage of the average adult life, which one contemplates between 30 and 40 years, one can see in a more definitive way the course of his or her life. One notices that it is no longer in the beginning of life or in the end, but that the process of stability has begun. When one dimension of life, in this case affective, has a gap, then an absence, can generate greater suffering. All this already happens naturally.

Social pressure

Alongside this, there is a pressure imposed by society, especially by those who are close. The family starts making jokes, friends start dating and sometimes get married. Everyone then asks, “Are you not dating?” “Ah! But you’re very picky! That way, you will not date anyone! ” Or even: “Poor thing! Are you alone today? ” And then, those who suffer because they are single want to “dig” a hole and enter it.

In order to be able to deal well with this pressure imposed by society, it is necessary first to understand why one suffers, to understand why, when one hears certain things, and it causes him or her so much discomfort, because suffering for the state of life in which he finds oneself is not something general. There are young people, adults and older singles who are happy to be single. The question is individual, part of the experience and experience of each one.

Knowing yourself is essential

Our mind functions as a large archive, which is accessed at all times from words we hear, situations we live in, or what we see. All of these experiences work as triggers, which bring up an already hidden file. So when we have a file on the affective dimension, it makes us believe that we are bad, that we are never going to find someone, that we are going to die single, that no one loves us, that I am undesirable, imperfect, that we will be alone forever, and presses us to give an answer. This triggers the trigger to something that causes suffering, because we do not believe that someday we will be able to find someone to be our mate.

It then can trigger all kinds of uncomfortable emotions that can be experienced, such as anxiety, sadness, anguish, hopelessness, fear, loneliness, and despair. Feelings that may have the power to paralyze a person’s life, as one begins to believe that she or he will be single forever! For as they are the consequence of a bad thought, they increase that thought, giving weight to that emotion. The first point is: Why do I suffer from being single? What truth is inside my head about this subject that scares me so much?

When you know what causes you suffering, it is easier to face the pressure of society, for the suffering lies in believing that one day you will not give that response to the questions of society, which, in the end, you want to give. The single is single and not alone; he or she is a person before defining his or her state of life, be it single, married or celibate. Meet your truth, take it and suffering will diminish!

Aline Rodrigues
Aline Rodrigues is a missionary of the Canção Nova Community, in the Segundo Elo mode. She has been a psychologist since 2005, with specializations in the clinical and business areas. She has professional experience in clinical, business and teaching. She writes from Brazil